So, sometimes I amuse myself with strange ideas – what would be the stats for the Miachael Bay's crazy Optimus Prime? Well, I will not get in the merit of speaking about his new transformer movies – this is not the place to talk about it. I will just add some stats to it; it will be fun, right? As always, numbers out of brackets mean Old School and inside brackets mean New School.
(Bay's) Optimus Prime, gargantuan allien machine
HD: 40, or 240 hps
At: -5 [+25], 1 slam for 10d6 damage
AC: -14 
Sv: Special (look below at 'optimal saves')
All: Lawful evil
. Explody master blaster: We may think that explosions are our allies, but we merely adopted them. Bay's Prime was born in them, molded by them...so, Optimus Prime is immune to explosions damage – unless the GM wants it not (haha!).
. No Mercy: Bay's prime has a very strict code of honor and will have no mercy upon their enemies (hence it's 'lawful evil allignment). When speaking his peace and delivering judgment, Bay's Prime attacks get a critical on a natural 15+ (double damage). Also, 'No, Optimus Primeeee'.
. Giant (what the hell?!) guns: Bay's prime can have giant shotguns. If he is using such artifacts of power (!?), his attacks will cause double damage (although the target may have a saving throw to halve it). And it is cummulative with 'No Mercy!' - so, in theory, Bay's Prime can deal a whooping 40d6 damage in one hit! Yawzeers!
. Gargantuan Hell Machine out of Space: Bay's Prime is a godzilla of machinery doom. His physical attacks will hit entire blocks, so they are able to strike the whole group of unfortunate adventurers that dared to oppose his lawful evil self.
. Optimal saves: Bay's prime is a resilient mofo. He has saving throws on 10+. If he fails, he is able to try again, with a 3+! Only if he fails that second time is when the effects take place. Besides that, divide by 10 all magical and elemental damage that optimus prime take.
. Trucker form: Bay's Prime may take a trucker form. It's usefulness is solely to go faster. Yep.
. Cheesy and pointless monolog: After a climatic battle, Bay's Prime can say a mind-bogging monolog. Everyone that can hear him must make a Saving throw against magic or be charmed by his presence.
So, that is Bay's Prime. I find it funny how over the top in cruelty and lack of mercy he is compared to the classic cartoon ones – that is part of the reason I wanted to make this post. And you folks, what do you think?